But in a way it is intentional. She falls into these relationships without thinking or putting up much resistance. So it is cruel, she knows she really didn't want him. He was there and Spike wasn't. She was trying to prove to herself that Spike leaving didn't mean a thing to her. So she picks a man who is interested in her and uses him to prove that she doesn't love Spike. Only it blows up in her face when she figures out she does love Spike and she messed up by letting him go and not telling him. Now she has to break up with a man that did nothing but believe the signals she was sending out. She had all the time in the world to explain things to Dowling. Like she was using him (to get over her feelings for Spike that she wouldn't even admit to having).