I think he was testing the waters too, and Dowiling seems to be a well adjusted adult; in love and war, shit happens and not everything works out so you have to learn to deal.

As for Buffy, I think she still got miles to go before I believe she really wants to be happy with Spike (that's my inability to believe in Spuffy past AtS speaking, btw). I think actually admitting her love is a huge step for her, so we'll see how she does when, and if, Spike comes back.