Fic: Inescapable
Jan. 11th, 2011 09:24 am![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gryfndor_godessI was watching parts of Him yesterday because despite the fact that I’m not supposed to like it because it’s misogynistic and whatnot, I kind of love it a lot. I love Xander for hating Spike and taking him in anyway, I love Buffy for mollycoddling her vampire, I love James Marsters for how tortured and miserable he looks, I love Buffy and Dawn’s bleacher conversation (the sisterliness…not the hand-waving about the soul bit), I love the bazooka scene, I love Xander and Spike working together, and I lovelovelovelovelovelovelove Anya and Willow’s “his physical presence has a penis!” argument (Alyson Hannigan and Emma Caulfield, y’all are brilliant and beautiful and I adore you).
However, I also always wonder about the bazooka scene and the fact that Spike is the one chasing Buffy because it seems like it could be a triggery situation for the characters. I understand why he does it, I love that he does it, and I think it’s probably intentional of the writers after Buffy’s ginormous flinch at the beginning. I don’t think the build-up to the scene would be as comical as the actual scene itself, though. Or maybe I just like angst and Xander and Spike interaction. In any case, I came up with a 1000-word ficlet. I’m not sure that I’m 100% satisfied with it, but if I ever get around to writing my early S7 Xander fic, I’ll probably get a better lock on his motivations and be able to edit this more then if I choose.
Title: Inescapable
Rating: R for one swear word and mentions of the AR
Setting: 7x06, Him
“Okay, I don’t know what Buffy’s planning, but we’re probably going to need brawn to stop her, and that means you.”
Xander’s rambling as he drives toward Sunnydale High at a much higher speed than he should, trying not to panic about what his best friends are doing, might have done already, trying to ignore the bitter fact that all of a sudden he needs Spike, the strange fact that he’s secretly relieved Spike is here, that he’s not the only male around. If the situation weren’t so dire he might laugh at the irony- or go into panicked hysterics.
“What do you mean?” says Spike in that new, quiet voice of his that tries to be neutral but can’t hide an undercurrent of bitterness toward the world.
“I mean I’m going to park and you’re going to run. If she puts up a fight, I can’t stop her.”
No, no Xander’s just a slightly overweight carpenter, no match for the Slayer. A vampire, on the other hand-
“No.”
Spike’s been so accommodating tonight, so not-the-anticipated-pain-in-his-ass that Xander thinks he’s misunderstood.
“No…?”
Silence for a precious few seconds before the low, pained answer that Xander automatically leans a little closer to hear: “I’m not attacking Buffy.”
Oh.
Spiteful words are on the tip of his tongue (Couldn’t have thought of that last May?) but Xander reins them in. It’s probably a good thing that the vampire has thought of this, but fuck if Xander is going to let him feel noble about it.
“It won’t be an attack,” he says through gritted teeth. “Not really.”
He got used to the fact that Buffy would always be stronger and faster than him years ago and it rarely wounds his pride, but now the almost-forgotten resentment flares up briefly. Not resentment toward Buffy, but resentment at the universe, at Spike, at himself for not working out more, eating a few too many cookies after dinner, for never being enough.
What is wrong with the world that he has to convince an attempted rapist to slightly manhandle his victim to stop said (out of her mind) victim from killing someone?
He thinks about telling Spike that he’ll try to reach Buffy first, but that sounds too much like comfort, so instead he says aggressively, because he can, “You’ll do it if you have to. Just get her weapon away from her. That’s all. No hitting her, no hurting her, and definitely no pinning her down-”
He breaks off, aware he’s teetering on the line, close to breaking the detente that’s been working so well all evening. Discomfort roils in his stomach. Spike stares straight ahead, his jaw clenched. Even in profile, it’s easy to see his eyes are blank, dead.
“You’ll be able to do that locator spell, Will?” says Xander, just to break the silence.
“Yes.” There’s the teensiest edge of resentment in Willow’s voice, the smallest pause before she speaks, and when Xander glances in the rearview mirror he sees her wince and rub her temple, trying to clear her cloudy mind, work past the love spell.
It’s a testament to how effortless the peace had been earlier in the evening that Spike is sitting shotgun, that Xander didn’t think to relegate him to the backseat once Willow joined up.
He finally pulls into the school parking lot, tires screeching, and his heart jumps into his throat as he scans the grounds.
“There she is!”
Xander’s surge of relief at finding Buffy quickly turns into horror as he registers what his friend is carrying.
“Is that a bazooka? Where the hell did she find a bazooka? Is that the same one-”
Never mind, never mind, priorities, he has them, the principal, oh god-
Luckily, his feet are well ahead of his brain and already moving out of the car. He tries, he really does, puts on a burst of gut-hurting speed like he did when he ran the mile in high school, when he could pretend for seven minutes that he was an athlete because seven minutes was all it took.
But he’s not fast enough, and the thought of wresting that bazooka from her is laughable-
“Go, Spike, run!”
Spike’s out of the car, but he doesn’t move, only stares at Buffy, wide-eyed, and Xander finds himself bellowing-
“I don’t care about your guilt or conscience or whatever! How do you think Buffy will feel if she wakes up from this spell and realizes she’s killed the principal?”
There’s an instant before Spike takes off running across the pavement when his dead eyes come briefly to life again. Xander thinks he sees terror. Self-loathing.
Good.
For a moment, before he feels stirrings of guilt because now he’s wondering how Buffy will react (remembers her spasm in his apartment when Spike touched her, hates the idea that this could trigger something, hopes the spell will dull her memory as it has her judgment), Xander feels vindictive pleasure in the fact that the vampire is suffering while being useful.
It’s not until later, after Anya casually comments, “Spike was helpful tonight. Convenient of him to stop being bonkers,” long after the dead-eyed vampire had quietly asked to be dropped off at the apartment rather than join the Scoobies at Buffy’s house, that Xander reflects back on that instant of terror and self-loathing and-
heartbreak
-and feels a creeping, inescapable sense of shame.
However, I also always wonder about the bazooka scene and the fact that Spike is the one chasing Buffy because it seems like it could be a triggery situation for the characters. I understand why he does it, I love that he does it, and I think it’s probably intentional of the writers after Buffy’s ginormous flinch at the beginning. I don’t think the build-up to the scene would be as comical as the actual scene itself, though. Or maybe I just like angst and Xander and Spike interaction. In any case, I came up with a 1000-word ficlet. I’m not sure that I’m 100% satisfied with it, but if I ever get around to writing my early S7 Xander fic, I’ll probably get a better lock on his motivations and be able to edit this more then if I choose.
Title: Inescapable
Rating: R for one swear word and mentions of the AR
Setting: 7x06, Him
“Okay, I don’t know what Buffy’s planning, but we’re probably going to need brawn to stop her, and that means you.”
Xander’s rambling as he drives toward Sunnydale High at a much higher speed than he should, trying not to panic about what his best friends are doing, might have done already, trying to ignore the bitter fact that all of a sudden he needs Spike, the strange fact that he’s secretly relieved Spike is here, that he’s not the only male around. If the situation weren’t so dire he might laugh at the irony- or go into panicked hysterics.
“What do you mean?” says Spike in that new, quiet voice of his that tries to be neutral but can’t hide an undercurrent of bitterness toward the world.
“I mean I’m going to park and you’re going to run. If she puts up a fight, I can’t stop her.”
No, no Xander’s just a slightly overweight carpenter, no match for the Slayer. A vampire, on the other hand-
“No.”
Spike’s been so accommodating tonight, so not-the-anticipated-pain-in-his-ass that Xander thinks he’s misunderstood.
“No…?”
Silence for a precious few seconds before the low, pained answer that Xander automatically leans a little closer to hear: “I’m not attacking Buffy.”
Oh.
Spiteful words are on the tip of his tongue (Couldn’t have thought of that last May?) but Xander reins them in. It’s probably a good thing that the vampire has thought of this, but fuck if Xander is going to let him feel noble about it.
“It won’t be an attack,” he says through gritted teeth. “Not really.”
He got used to the fact that Buffy would always be stronger and faster than him years ago and it rarely wounds his pride, but now the almost-forgotten resentment flares up briefly. Not resentment toward Buffy, but resentment at the universe, at Spike, at himself for not working out more, eating a few too many cookies after dinner, for never being enough.
What is wrong with the world that he has to convince an attempted rapist to slightly manhandle his victim to stop said (out of her mind) victim from killing someone?
He thinks about telling Spike that he’ll try to reach Buffy first, but that sounds too much like comfort, so instead he says aggressively, because he can, “You’ll do it if you have to. Just get her weapon away from her. That’s all. No hitting her, no hurting her, and definitely no pinning her down-”
He breaks off, aware he’s teetering on the line, close to breaking the detente that’s been working so well all evening. Discomfort roils in his stomach. Spike stares straight ahead, his jaw clenched. Even in profile, it’s easy to see his eyes are blank, dead.
“You’ll be able to do that locator spell, Will?” says Xander, just to break the silence.
“Yes.” There’s the teensiest edge of resentment in Willow’s voice, the smallest pause before she speaks, and when Xander glances in the rearview mirror he sees her wince and rub her temple, trying to clear her cloudy mind, work past the love spell.
It’s a testament to how effortless the peace had been earlier in the evening that Spike is sitting shotgun, that Xander didn’t think to relegate him to the backseat once Willow joined up.
He finally pulls into the school parking lot, tires screeching, and his heart jumps into his throat as he scans the grounds.
“There she is!”
Xander’s surge of relief at finding Buffy quickly turns into horror as he registers what his friend is carrying.
“Is that a bazooka? Where the hell did she find a bazooka? Is that the same one-”
Never mind, never mind, priorities, he has them, the principal, oh god-
Luckily, his feet are well ahead of his brain and already moving out of the car. He tries, he really does, puts on a burst of gut-hurting speed like he did when he ran the mile in high school, when he could pretend for seven minutes that he was an athlete because seven minutes was all it took.
But he’s not fast enough, and the thought of wresting that bazooka from her is laughable-
“Go, Spike, run!”
Spike’s out of the car, but he doesn’t move, only stares at Buffy, wide-eyed, and Xander finds himself bellowing-
“I don’t care about your guilt or conscience or whatever! How do you think Buffy will feel if she wakes up from this spell and realizes she’s killed the principal?”
There’s an instant before Spike takes off running across the pavement when his dead eyes come briefly to life again. Xander thinks he sees terror. Self-loathing.
Good.
For a moment, before he feels stirrings of guilt because now he’s wondering how Buffy will react (remembers her spasm in his apartment when Spike touched her, hates the idea that this could trigger something, hopes the spell will dull her memory as it has her judgment), Xander feels vindictive pleasure in the fact that the vampire is suffering while being useful.
It’s not until later, after Anya casually comments, “Spike was helpful tonight. Convenient of him to stop being bonkers,” long after the dead-eyed vampire had quietly asked to be dropped off at the apartment rather than join the Scoobies at Buffy’s house, that Xander reflects back on that instant of terror and self-loathing and-
heartbreak
-and feels a creeping, inescapable sense of shame.
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-11-16 05:56 am (UTC)“No…?”
Silence for a precious few seconds before the low, pained answer that Xander automatically leans a little closer to hear: “I’m not attacking Buffy.”
Good point!
no subject
Date: 2011-11-17 04:17 am (UTC)Me, too!! I adore Xander & Spike friendship, but I don't see slashiness in their interactions. As a joke, like in "Beneath You" or "Intervention"? Sure, those make sense and are funny, but I think they're jokes on purpose.
Thank you! :)
no subject
Date: 2012-02-13 01:35 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-02-13 01:44 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-07-02 05:55 am (UTC)I found the bazooka scene to be one of the funniest moments of that season.
(Ooo, Buffy and Dawns confrontation, I love it when Buffy was completely airheaded or under a spell ala SB and Him. She does reasonable obliviousness like nobodys business.)
Ok got off topic there. All in all I felt a little happy, sad, and feel goodish.
I really dont know, but I liked it.
no subject
Date: 2012-07-03 03:27 am (UTC)She does reasonable obliviousness like nobodys business.
Very true. And regarding SMG herself, the BuffyBot is another brilliant example of that trait.
Thank you! I'm glad you liked it!
no subject
Date: 2012-07-03 03:55 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-07-05 11:35 pm (UTC)so I have skiped it everytime ive seen the ep Including the first time
I've done that with Seeing Red. Ironically, I've seen the bad parts of it, the triggering parts, but I've never watched the episode from start to finish.
no subject
Date: 2012-12-12 06:59 pm (UTC)That's the scene I always skip as well but the rest of it I pretty much enjoy. Even the scene with Buffy and Rj - I didn't realize that (as a feminist) it should have squicked me out until I got into fandom reactions. Watching it by myself, it was just - IDK, I know about the rape/violation issues, and bad on them for playing them for laughs. ON the other hand (unlike the spacefrak) there is absolutely no question here who is responsible for Buffy's state, or indeed that she is bespelled; there's stereotypical romance novel fruit and cloth around them which reminds me of a similar layout in Helpless when Buffy and Angel were sparring in lieu of sex; and Xander being the adult and having the edge of the jocks who used to make fun of him: "It's called a classroom, you chowderhead!" I love that bit, and have no idea why.
I think if the ep were played for drama rather than comedy I'd object to it more? Which probably isn't a good thing I admit, because a lot of comedy in tv/films is full of misogynistic messages.
But I still like that episode. My bad?
no subject
Date: 2012-12-12 07:54 pm (UTC)"I didn't realize that (as a feminist) it should have squicked me out until I got into fandom reactions. "
I just feel like those people take their entertainment too seriously. Maybe they're just not seeing everything in context. Geeky fans (of which i am one) love to get wrapped up in the minutia of what ever their passionate about.
Luckily for me I have had a good woman not involved in anything geeky whatsoever to check me all these years, or I guarantee I would be that guy online arguing through message board.
no subject
Date: 2012-12-12 09:30 pm (UTC)Exactly. "Lessons" functioned the same way for me, although not nearly as well as this - sort of a pleasant if unremarkable lemon sorbet to cleanse the palate after S6. I just enjoyed seeing Buffy smile, and interact with Xander and Dawn, and wonder if Wood would be a potential romantic interest for her. I watched the entire series this year for the first time on Netflix in the span of 3 weeks, so there was no "summer break" to process one season before the next. Which worked in some respects - it was like reading a novel with a single arc, and I think I like things about it that some folks who watched in real time didn't because of how differently it played with the time lags. Or maybe it's just me.
I just feel like those people take their entertainment too seriously.
I've been accused of that myself - the last time was when I gave a critique of the movie "Australia" on a forum I used to belong on. (And which I still stand by.) It often seems to mean "you don't like what I like so you're just wrong!" And I don't want to convey that here, only that I find that my reading/interpretation of much of the series, esp the later season which I love, are very much at odds with other parts of fandom. Especially when it comes to S6 and S7.
And I certainly can get wrapped up in the minutia of the series on some levels - for instance, it fills me with geeky delight when I notice Dawn use the words "forever" and "real" when bespelled in this ep because those are the catch-phrases for bangel and spuffy - but then other things it doesn't occur to me to think about. The thing about Xander causing ten deaths in OMWF makes some people crazy, I just sort of shrugged because it's a musical ep. It's not even operating under the same laws as the rest of the normal Buffyverse canon. the same with very comic eps like this or Beer Bad - different rules.
I guarantee I would be that guy online arguing through message board.
Ha - I take it she keeps you occupied and out of trouble? In my own case, unemployment is not my friend - makes it too easy to waste the hours online.
BTW - Is that a Leslie Knope icon? Most awesome.
no subject
Date: 2012-12-12 09:46 pm (UTC)I also watched BTVS and angel for the first time on Netflix about a year ago. Now before I say this, in my defense, I was sick but not a sick that makes one sleepy. I finished both series in 7 or 8 days.(I don't think there's a way where that's not pathetic.)
Also, yeah unemployment is no friend to the ol' figure. Especially if you saved enough to look for a job at a a snails place.
no subject
Date: 2012-12-12 09:56 pm (UTC)thankfully I've kept my "girlish figure" thanks to a significant other who is big on walking, and because I bike and walk almost everywhere. (Also, I tend to eat very little when depressed and/or not working.) I'm fortunate enough to have a significant other who works full time (I worked while she went back to school a few years ago so it's fair, but - it still feels awful being dependent on someone else even if I'm doing the homemaker thing and making our yogurt and doing the cooking and laundry. The homemaker thing, and that's valid - but not so much if it wasn't chosen but forced.)
7-8 days? I wouldn't call that pathetic, I'd say that was a marathon. (I haven't watched AtS yet, and I'm kind of holding off on that one for now. The treatment of women sounds - eh, a little reactionary in comparison to Buffy.)
no subject
Date: 2013-12-12 04:20 pm (UTC)(Its been a weird morning.)
no subject
Date: 2013-12-12 06:30 pm (UTC)You also reminded me that it has been 1-1/2 years since I entered this fandom. Almost two, whoa.
(Its been a weird morning.)
for me too, ironically - super weird. (Are the planets in mercury retrograde or something?) Dare I ask, weird for you in what way?
no subject
Date: 2013-12-13 01:49 am (UTC)I know right, it's been almost two years since i've watched both shows and It feels like I've known about them forever. (Although watching Doctor Who for the first time has taken a substantial bit out of my fanfic time. I still read the great ones, but I don't read everything anymore.)
How was today weird...well have you ever just woken up like snap!, and the moment you open your eyes you feel wide awake? Thats how my day started. Then I got this really surreal phone call from a friend I have'nt seen or heard from since I was about 13. Plus, I just felt odd, my wife felt it too. We could'nt stop bumping into each other, and we were starting conversations at exactly the same moment over and over again. I have no idea what was up with today, I honestly thought I was dreaming up until like noon, and i've had a giddy feeling in my belly for most of it as well. It was an odd, good day and now I am just plain relaxed.
I do hope your day went just as well as mine.
no subject
Date: 2013-12-14 06:05 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-12-12 07:09 pm (UTC)I like that episode too and as I was saying upthread, I found out when I got into fandom on LJ that I'm not supposed to but I do. I guess it's funny enough that I'm willing to overlook the more objectionable bits (except I won't rewatch the cheerleading sequence). I really do enjoy all the callbacks to all the prior seasons. And the fact that "Him" has a lot to do with where Xander is at the moment in his maturity; and the way all of Buffy's relationships haunt this episode, with callbacks to Angel, Riley and of course Spike.
And it makes me laugh. (There really needed to be more Anya and Willow in that show. "You'd kill for a chocolate bar!")
I also always wonder about the bazooka scene and the fact that Spike is the one chasing Buffy because it seems like it could be a triggery situation for the characters.
And now I feel bad for admitting that that never occurred to me at all. Again, I was caught up in the comedy? (I've seen that sort of scene "Someone is oblivious to hijinks going on right outside their window" played a hundred times in tv and movies but it never made me laugh until I saw this version of it.) But now that you mention it I wonder how I could have overlooked it. Hmmm....
Obviously this is very different from the tone of the show but ye gods you have captured Xander here so, so perfectly. Fiend for characterization here, and I'm not Xander's biggest fan but I liked him in S7 and this feels very right.
no subject
Date: 2012-12-15 11:54 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2012-12-23 11:58 pm (UTC)I think Buffy does tend to put aside personal feelings when she's fighting, but I agree with you. The triggery moments are as subtle as a Mack truck. The way they're emphasized is not unlike how That Scene was shot in the most emphatic and triggery way possible...
no subject
Date: 2012-12-23 11:55 pm (UTC)YES. I'm always up for more Anya in general. It's a little odd to me that Willow didn't jump at the chance to learn more about magic and the world from Anya, who has practically seen it all. I get why she was so anti-Anya in the beginning, what with "Doppelgangland" and the jealousy over Xander, but when she started getting more power-hungry for magic, I'd have thought she would put aside her personal feelings to learn what she could from Anya. Then again, she was also super arrogant by then, so maybe she didn't think silly, ex-demon Anya would be much use... Look at me, debating with myself. In any case, I like to think that they'd become legit friends post-canon (ignoring Anya's death, obv.)
Obviously this is very different from the tone of the show but ye gods you have captured Xander here so, so perfectly. Fiend for characterization here, and I'm not Xander's biggest fan but I liked him in S7 and this feels very right.
Thank you so much! I'm really glad it feels right.