Fic: He Always Came Back
Mar. 8th, 2011 09:30 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
gryfndor_godessTitle: He Always Came Back
Summary: Reflections on Spike, set during AtS S5. 600 words.
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Characters are Joss Whedon’s, not mine, etc.
ETA: Fic slightly edited 4/15/2011
He always came back. Every other man inevitably left, but not Spike. Spike’s goodbyes actually translated as ‘see you later’s.
Took a while to realize that of course. Thought his promise to never return after junior year meant something; after all, what could be left for him in Sunnydale now that he had his creeptastic girlfriend back?
That stupid kidnapping senior year could have been a blip. It was understandable that a drunk, miserable, dumped vampire might think returning to the scene of the beginning of his problems was a good idea. Didn’t mean he would come back again.
Except then there was the Gem of Amarra. (And he was back to being vicious instead of maudlin; why, again, hadn’t she slain him the last time, the first time he broke his word?)
The clincher, the fact that the bleached menace was a more-or-less permanent part of their lives now, even if none of them would admit it or even consciously realized it, was Thanksgiving. What kind of villain had the balls to go to his intended victims for help? (And why, again, had they given it?)
Then two and a half years of being a pain in their asses-
(Oh, leave that one. He looks like he's ready to drop any minute, and I think I can eat someone if he's already dead)
(You want me to tear this place apart, you bloody poof?)
(Tell you what I'll do then. Head out, find this girl, tell her exactly where all of you are, and then watch as she kills you)
-Psychotically obsessing over her-
(It was funny at first; now that flippancy is shameful, for more reasons than one)
-Maybe occasionally fighting the good fight if there was something in it for him-
(Except when there wasn’t; Glory’s stark bruises proved otherwise; so did Dawn’s rare smiles during that summer)
But in the end he betrayed the girl, just like all the others did. And he left, as he should have, and for a while it was more than easy again to hate him (nearly bit off his tongue keeping from saying ‘I told you so’) and hope that this time he never, ever returned.
Except he did.
And he was the same. (Psychotic, a pain in the ass, and somehow, despite the crazy, still sarcastic)
(I’m insane. What’s his excuse?)
But he was different too. (Quiet; sad; remorseful)
And…and he chose to be different. (So maybe there wouldn’t be another dead Miss Calendar in their future)
So inexplicably they kept him. Helped him. (Emphasis on the inexplicably)
And sooner, much sooner than anticipated, he was in the bosom again.
(Look, there's something evil working us, and if we are ever gonna have a chance to fight it, we need to learn everything we can about it. This thing has been closer to Spike than any of us)
And eventually, when he was less with the crazy and less with the killing and less being-tortured-by-the-First, there were (very, very rarely) games of pool again. A bottle of beer or two.
(Fine. Maybe there were some shared beers and nights in front of the TV in the apartment during the crazy part too)
And it was…nice.
To have another Y chromosome around. (Even if he’d never admit it)
Eventually they all left. (Or turned a town into a crater)
Oz. Riley. Giles. (Even Angel, the mother-effing ass)
But Spike always came back.
Buffy didn’t know it, but she wasn’t the only one waiting.
A/N: If you are inclined to leave feedback, I would love to know at which point you figured out who was narrating.
I've had the idea for this fic in mind for a while, but I was finally inspired to write it today because of these vids from the recent Seattle Comicon, in which Nick and James are unintentionally adorable together:
Summary: Reflections on Spike, set during AtS S5. 600 words.
Rating: G
Disclaimer: Characters are Joss Whedon’s, not mine, etc.
ETA: Fic slightly edited 4/15/2011
He always came back. Every other man inevitably left, but not Spike. Spike’s goodbyes actually translated as ‘see you later’s.
Took a while to realize that of course. Thought his promise to never return after junior year meant something; after all, what could be left for him in Sunnydale now that he had his creeptastic girlfriend back?
That stupid kidnapping senior year could have been a blip. It was understandable that a drunk, miserable, dumped vampire might think returning to the scene of the beginning of his problems was a good idea. Didn’t mean he would come back again.
Except then there was the Gem of Amarra. (And he was back to being vicious instead of maudlin; why, again, hadn’t she slain him the last time, the first time he broke his word?)
The clincher, the fact that the bleached menace was a more-or-less permanent part of their lives now, even if none of them would admit it or even consciously realized it, was Thanksgiving. What kind of villain had the balls to go to his intended victims for help? (And why, again, had they given it?)
Then two and a half years of being a pain in their asses-
(Oh, leave that one. He looks like he's ready to drop any minute, and I think I can eat someone if he's already dead)
(You want me to tear this place apart, you bloody poof?)
(Tell you what I'll do then. Head out, find this girl, tell her exactly where all of you are, and then watch as she kills you)
-Psychotically obsessing over her-
(It was funny at first; now that flippancy is shameful, for more reasons than one)
-Maybe occasionally fighting the good fight if there was something in it for him-
(Except when there wasn’t; Glory’s stark bruises proved otherwise; so did Dawn’s rare smiles during that summer)
But in the end he betrayed the girl, just like all the others did. And he left, as he should have, and for a while it was more than easy again to hate him (nearly bit off his tongue keeping from saying ‘I told you so’) and hope that this time he never, ever returned.
Except he did.
And he was the same. (Psychotic, a pain in the ass, and somehow, despite the crazy, still sarcastic)
(I’m insane. What’s his excuse?)
But he was different too. (Quiet; sad; remorseful)
And…and he chose to be different. (So maybe there wouldn’t be another dead Miss Calendar in their future)
So inexplicably they kept him. Helped him. (Emphasis on the inexplicably)
And sooner, much sooner than anticipated, he was in the bosom again.
(Look, there's something evil working us, and if we are ever gonna have a chance to fight it, we need to learn everything we can about it. This thing has been closer to Spike than any of us)
And eventually, when he was less with the crazy and less with the killing and less being-tortured-by-the-First, there were (very, very rarely) games of pool again. A bottle of beer or two.
(Fine. Maybe there were some shared beers and nights in front of the TV in the apartment during the crazy part too)
And it was…nice.
To have another Y chromosome around. (Even if he’d never admit it)
Eventually they all left. (Or turned a town into a crater)
Oz. Riley. Giles. (Even Angel, the mother-effing ass)
But Spike always came back.
Buffy didn’t know it, but she wasn’t the only one waiting.
A/N: If you are inclined to leave feedback, I would love to know at which point you figured out who was narrating.
I've had the idea for this fic in mind for a while, but I was finally inspired to write it today because of these vids from the recent Seattle Comicon, in which Nick and James are unintentionally adorable together:
![[identity profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/openid.png){kind=small}
no subject
Date: 2011-03-08 10:14 pm (UTC)(He remembers laughing when he first found out; feels ashamed now that he was so flippant, for more reasons than one)
That was when I knew who it was, before that I was all over the place with my predictions. But that might've been me being a bit slow, IDK. :)
no subject
Date: 2011-03-08 11:35 pm (UTC)Ooh, thanks! I initially hoped to have the big reveal at the end and quickly realized that would be impossible if I wanted the fic to have any substance whatsoever. This was the line that I figured would give up the game entirely, so I'm glad everything beforehand was subtle.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-09 01:38 am (UTC)Edit: accidental deletion fixed
no subject
Date: 2011-03-09 09:04 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2011-03-09 10:39 am (UTC)Me neither. As far as I can tell, Xander would probably vehemently insist on being straight if he ever crossed paths with the idea of being with another man. And even if Spike did have that one time with Angel, he clearly prefers the women too.
My understanding of the prevalence of Xander slash fics is that he's the character male audience members are most likely to identify with, so for guys who are into, say, Spike, then shipping them is a way to play out that fantasy. Then again, this is just speculation since I rarely ship slash pairings.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-09 08:21 pm (UTC)Makes sense. And for women who wear slash goggles, there's definitely text that could be interpreted as subtext, and you have the whole "former-enemies-becoming-something-more" trope that is so attractive.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-09 01:53 am (UTC)I figured out the narrator the same time
no subject
Date: 2011-03-09 09:10 am (UTC)Thanks for reading! :)
no subject
Date: 2011-03-09 07:00 pm (UTC)As those above, I also figured it out with this line.
("He remembers laughing when he first found out; feels ashamed now that he was so flippant, for more reasons than one")
I had to stop and think about it for a bit to figure it out, luckily I just rewatched "Crush" last night so that helped. :)
I enjoyed this very much, thank you.
no subject
Date: 2011-03-09 08:25 pm (UTC)